I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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