he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
