What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
