I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
