it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
