Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
