Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
