he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Panties = found
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
