i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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