You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
