Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
