I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize