Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
