I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am naked and annoyed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
