She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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