oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
