My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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