My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
