addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
