I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
