woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
