Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
