I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
