I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
