Yo dont text me then not text me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize