I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize