...so i touched it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
