Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
