guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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