She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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