Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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