Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
