Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
