Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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