Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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