My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
