would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
