ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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