I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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