So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
