I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
