i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
