people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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