I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
me + whiskey = a bad person
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
