I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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