Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
