a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
