I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
