i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm always down for nudity.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
