would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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