the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
