Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
