OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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