Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
