And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
someone threw a dead crab at me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
