Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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