is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Houston, we have a blender
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize