She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
