I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
