Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
