just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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