I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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