So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
