You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Alive.
So much puke
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
