Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
