he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
