i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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