I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
