I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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