I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
