so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
