i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
