There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
