Fuck appropriateness.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
