i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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