my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
