Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize