You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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