Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
