I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
