been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize